Today I arrived in Rotorua. I am discovering a new area, now south of Auckland, still on the North Island of NZ. I made a stop for one night in Hamilton, I was curious about the city and wanted to check if it is a good place for my last night before I fly out of Auckland again. I found it to be quite nice, there is a river walk, wide streets and friendly people. However, somehow the night was difficult for me. I woke up at 4am from a very vivid dream. In the dream I met my first boy friend again, he looked good, was with a woman who looked like Jennifer Lopez. But we met and that was good and important. I was very sad after the meeting noticing the love we had had and remembering how I was just not at all prepared for us when I met him in France when I was 17. In the dream my mother was there to be with me and my sadness. I don t remember her being like that while she was alive. It felt so good. It feels like a shift has happened, things can indeed change also in the past, the dream felt powerful and healing.
This morning I felt ok after tea and breakfast, but when I left the hostel for another stroll through the town I had a small crisis. I only noticed when I went to the museum and was very irritated that every five minutes I was approached by somebody who wanted to help me. I asked if I could please be left alone, the being so triggered made me aware of how I felt. I left the museum and was suddenly very weak. Thought that maybe my usual NZ treat, tea and scone would help. But I did not find a scone place, then saw a Starbucks and went in for the comfort zone feeling I was hoping for. But no, they did not have the usual Starbucks tea selection – what is the point of chains if you can t get the same drink in every country cried the troubled part in me. I was served green tea with mint, I spoke up because I had understood that it would be pure green tea, the manager came to me, he really tried to help and brought me a different tea, he was nice, but still I would have liked to go back home and stay in my room for the day and cry, only I did not have a home and needed to be at the bus 30 min later. In these moments travelling seems challenging.
After 1,5 hours on the bus (5,5 hours yesterday) arriving in Rotorua, I felt a little better, still not really up for camping as the forcast is for rain the next two days, I tried one hostel but then settled for a seemingly very nice camping site and looking forward to the night in my tent.
Travelling by bus and being in cities gets to me easily, really my perfect travelling would be just walking and mostly in the nature. This is also why I was so fascinated with the Te Araroa walkers. And I just don t feel up to the challenge of carrying 12-15kg on small trails. So, still looking for my perfect balance. I will keep trying to find small towns as a base to start my walks from.
Something else I wanted to share. The situation in Standing Rock had moved me deeply for the last few weeks. I did say my prayers for them daily and then on my last day in Whangerei I had the impulse to dedicate the whole day of walking practice to a good outcome at Standing Rock. Around 20km total and on my way back to the camping place I choose to add another loop up a hill because it just seemed to be neccessary.
I was very happy to hear the next morning that for the moment the building of the pipeline has been stopped. This really feels like an important step. And of course I have no idea if my walking helped. And I am sure thousands of people felt called to pray and walk or do what they do to join the field. I think this is a way how things can be moved in the subtle worlds.
And maybe me joining into global movements like this triggers also some personal healing, ie. the dream I had.
After some highs yesterday, enjoying ever more hobbit/shire like landscapes outside the bus (we are close to Hobbiton here, the movie set for the Hobbit movies), I felt very lonely the whole day, for a few days it did not seem easy to connect to other travellers. And no wonder if I even ask people to leave me alone …
Tomorrow hopefully I am ready for a day of walking in the nearby Redwood Reserve.
No, not ready for walking, I started out from the campground, then sort of broke down crying 200m further on. I sat on a bench, waited until crying was over, then the sun came out, yeah and I lay on the ground in the sun until I felt I could continue. Walked slowly, had one strange encounter, more sitting on the ground. The afternoon I spent in a coffee place I had discovered yesterday, they had a comfortable sofa for me to sit on and soft music playing. I spent some time in facebook and found one post with comics about sayings in different languages. A Swedish one really got me, I keep breaking out in laughter, this crazy laughter at the edge to crying, when I think of it. I shared it on my fb page. „to slide in on a prawn sandwich“ meaning „having an easy life“ 🙂 🙂 Thank you to whoever posted that, got me out of my strange mood.
I bought lemon and some spices and now drinking healthy teas with ginger to recover.
I forgot to mention that in Rotorua there is a lot of geothermal activity. All over the place water holes, boiling and smoking. Maybe that adds to my current emotional instability. Certainly not so firm grounds here. Interesting, I do react to the ground underneath, feeling best on a rocky ground like I experienced in South Sinai. Hmm, this place obviously brings me to some new edges.